MorningStar
by WP
Summary: Piper struggles to understand and cope with life.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: i own nothing but the story.  
A/N: The song is 'morningstar' by AFI. It's really a great song and worth checking  
out. Oh and Piper is maybe 15 or so in this, Prue around 16/17 something like that.   
  
  
  
bMorningStar/b  
  
iI saw a star beneath the stairs,  
Glowing through the melting walls.   
Who will be first to begin their fall?   
Or will we become one?/I   
  
Piper Halliwell sat in her room. It was her own personal prison, but also her safe-  
haven. The one place she could be herself not the shy awkward girl she was in  
public, or rather at school. She hated school because they hated her. It was that  
simple. She didn't have many real friends.  
A few that she was close with but mainly her sister's were her friends, but recently  
there social-standing meant they weren't home a lot. It was just Piper and her walls.  
Some night's she'd look at the so long she could swear they were becoming a part  
of her. Slowly melting, slowly she was becoming just another property of the manor.  
  
IAm I the star beneath the stairs?   
Am I the ghost upon the stage?   
Am I your anything?/I  
  
She was so bright and so talented, but know one could see that. She was invisible  
only seen at the worst times. She doubted her sister's love at times. Know body else  
seemed to like her never mind love her so why would they? Her grams loved them  
she knew that but they were like a big burden on her. They used up the last of her  
youth, time and energy.Her grams would leave them alone a lot of the time, Prue  
and Phoebe would go out making the most of it leaving Piper without a second  
thought. Sometimes she wondered if she was even invisible to her own family.  
  
II saw a star beneath the stairs,   
Glowing bright before decent,  
And in the morning,   
There is nothing left,  
But what's inside of me./I  
  
She'd watch the same star every night. It always stood out from the rest, it was so  
much more alive. She liked to think it was her mum shining down on her, giving her  
strength and reassurance. After feeling better she'd awake in the morning and her  
star would be gone. She never knew if it would be back and she felt so hopeless  
again. Only left with her own mind for company, not even the star to talk to.   
  
She saw the knife glimmering in front of her. All she had to do was finish it. She  
wouldn't be so alone anymore. She could see her mum and finally be held. She  
couldn't take all the pain inside anymore. Her sisters, her grams no matter how  
much she loved them and they loved her, they expected so much for so little back.  
She had to break up fight's, cook meals, get A's, clean, everything. This was the  
way out.   
  
  
IAnd I don't want to die tonight.  
Will you believe in me?  
And I don't want to fall into light./I  
  
  
Piper struggled with herself whether or not she could or wanted to do this. She didn't  
want to cause her family any more pain through loss. She didn't want to take the  
easy way out and prove she was a loser. She needed help she couldn't stop this on  
her own and just carry on in her daily routine. She wanted to feel loved, needed,  
wanted.  
  
  
IWill you wish upon?  
Will you walk upon me?  
I don't want to die tonight.  
Will you believe in me tonight?/I  
  
Piper now shaking and crying held the blade to her tender wrist. She stayed like that  
ready to press it against her skin at any minute when the knife was taken out of her  
hand. She still couldn't move the fear, the confusion was just too high. Next thing  
she felt was warmth. Warmth and love? She turned and looked at the person who  
choose to believe in her.   
  
It was Prue. She looked up at her big sister feeling so ashamed but relieved. Piper  
was overwhelmed with emotions as she crumbled into her big sisters arm's sobbing  
her pain out. Prue didn't even say anything she just held her, comforted her.  
Something broke through the sound of her own crying. Prue: telling her it would all  
be ok. She was there for her. Piper believed it. She always had believed what Prue  
had said and in her heart she knew now it would be ok. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: song is 'stuck with me' by green day  
  
Part 2  
  
  
  
Now all the Halliwell sister's are in their 20's. Grams has just died and the funeral  
held. Piper had arranged just about everything. It had really taken it out of her. She  
hadn't quite accepted it but at the funeral it all became too obvious. Her grams' the  
one parental figure in her life. The one who never, left her, was gone: Forever.  
Things had been super hard the last few weeks with Prue, Phoebe and that creep  
Roger. Piper believed Phoebe had nothing to do with it but Prue's mind was made  
up and that was the end of it.   
  
  
---I'm not part of your elite   
I'm just all right.  
Class structure waving colors bleeding from my throat.  
Not subservient to you I'm just alright  
Down classed by the power's that be   
Give me loss of hope---  
  
Piper still didn't have many friends. There was Jamie whom she worked with at the  
bank, thankfully otherwise that place would be complete hell. Mainly she was still  
depending on her sisters but they were growing further apart. It really hurt her but  
she still tried to bring them closer, always ending up making it worse. Everything in  
her life seemed to be getting worse.   
  
There were so many bills, work was bring her down, her sister's were not helping.  
Then of course fate decided to take another loved one away from her! First her mum  
then her dad, not dead but she finally realised he wasn't coming back after nearly  
20 years. And now her grams.   
  
She had two people left in her life and they couldn't bear to be in the same room!  
She had offered to make them both a meal. She needed them near her. She couldn't  
take all this pain alone. None of them could see it though, the tears didn't mean  
anything to them.  
  
'Just Piper being all emotional again.' Prue had gone to rodgeer despite on clearing  
things up between them, or rather she wouldn't deal with grams' death. Phoebe had  
just up and left heading for New York! Once again Piper was alone. The fear and  
heartache causing her to tremble.   
  
  
---Cast out... buried in a hole  
Struck down... forcing me to fall  
Destroyed... giving up the fight---  
  
She'd tried, she really had but once again the only visible way was to end it. Her  
sister's wouldn't notice or care. Not anymore. Her own flesh and blood didn't want  
anything to do with her.   
  
She had know boyfriend, she was to shy and didn't go out enough to get one. She  
had to do it this time, stop being such a loser and just end it. She took the knife,  
same one as last time only this time it'd be used.   
  
Now on her bedroom floor, she looked around one more time. Looking at her sisters  
and her mother. She'll finally get to see her mother. And be with grams again.   
  
  
---I know I'm not alright  
What's my price and will you pay it if it's all right?  
Take it from my dignity  
waste it until it's dead  
Throw me back into the gutter cause it's alright---  
  
  
The bleeding it started, a steady flow of pain releasing from her. Salty tears still  
calm though. She was so scared. Scared off what will happen when she's gone and  
where she is going.   
  
She never dreamt of actually leaving this world by suicide but she had nothing left to  
lose, as shameful as it was she could do nothing else. Her own death might bring  
her soul peace. Something she had never truly felt. There was always the pain of  
loss and abandonment.   
  
Her world slowly disappearing at the edge's closing in on her. The pain gone all  
together. She let go of the knife not even hearing it hit the floor. 


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3  
  
  
---I feel like this won't go away  
No matter how hard I try to  
Squeeze my eyes shut so I can't see  
The pain in you this pain in me - in me---  
  
Prue slammed on her brakes and rested her head on the steering wheel. On the  
way to Roger's she kept on thinking about her sisters, grams and how much she  
didn't want to be with Roger.   
She was trying to forget about Grams being gone, by pretending nothing was wrong.  
She couldn't do it and Piper would need her. She would have to try to sort things out  
with Phoebe but she was still to pissed at her just now. Prue turned the car around  
and headed back home.   
  
Within a couple of minutes she arrived and went straight to the kitchen expecting to  
see Piper, when she didn't Prue went and checked all the ground-floor then she  
shouted up stairs for Piper. Again with no answer she went upstairs to Piper's room,  
she could imagine her baby sister asleep then as she opened the door her heart  
almost stopped.  
  
Piper lay still, blood leaking from her wrist's. Prue was froze in shock she couldn't  
move only look at her baby sister. She tried closing her eyes to see if it was all just a  
bad dream but it wasn't.   
  
She ran out of the room grabbing the phone, just managing to dial 9-1-1 with her  
shaking hands. "Please I need an ambulance my sister she done something. please  
hurry up! 1329 Prescott street please hurry up." Prue begged not letting the woman  
get a word in, she hung up going back to Piper although the woman tried to get her  
to stay on.   
  
Prue fell on her knee's next to Piper, she shoved the knife away and took Piper in  
her arm's. She rocked her sister telling her it would all be ok, before she knew the  
paramedics appeared at the bedroom door rushing in they took Piper off of her.   
  
She watched them check a load of stats, try and stop Piper from bleeding and inject  
her with god-know's what. They passed medical terms that Prue couldn't even  
understand. They quickly loaded Piper on a stretcher and took her out to the  
ambulance. Prue followed tears still streaming down her face, she never once took  
her eyes off her sister.  
  
She couldn't feel anything, only the guilt weighing on her heart. She climbed in the  
ambulance beside Piper, and gently moved some hair out of her little sister's face.  
"Please don't leave me, I'm so sorry." Prue chocked on a sob, "I love you" She  
leaned over kissing her sister's head.   
"Will she be ok?" Prue Quietly asked the paramedic.   
He stopped and looked at Prue, "I'm sorry I can't say."   
Normally Prue would argue or make him tell her but she didn't, all her strength she  
would have to save for Piper. She'd have to be strong for her.   
  
Prue's mind was racing as she thought about the possibilities: if Piper made it, If she  
didn't. If she wanted to be helped, If she fought it. If she would ever be the same or  
if she would be changed forever.   
  
Prue's train of thought was interrupted by the guy letting her know they were at the  
hospital. Prue got out then they lifted Piper out and immediately Doctor's and nurses  
surrounded them, Prue put and death grip on the stretcher as she didn't plan on  
leaving Piper's side.   
  
When they got into the ER a doctor ordered a nurse to Prue out of the room but she  
wouldn't move. "I won't leave you baby." She promised. A security guard soon came  
up behind Prue gently putting his hands on her shoulders, Prue didn't even turn, she  
just kept her eyes on her sister.   
  
The security guy tried to talk Prue into leaving as he could see she was very upset  
but she would get in the way here. Without warning Prue kissed Piper's head then  
left. She was taken to a waiting room where Prue sat in her own world, out of her  
mind with worry for her sister. As she looked down, she saw the blood all over her,  
that was it as Prue broke down and cried.  
  
---But everything that I can say to you  
Won't help you  
Everything you need is right in front of you  
Just take it---  
  
"Miss Halliwell?" The doctor asked looking down to a concerned Prue.   
"Yes. Is my sister ok?" Prue asked as she stood up.   
"She is stable. Your sister lost a lot of blood but you got to her in time. Physically  
she will be fine but mentally we don't know..."   
Prue stopped him, "don't suggest that Piper is some kind of psycho!"   
The doctor silenced Prue. "Miss Halliwell I am not saying that but we will be keeping  
a close eye on Piper, she tried to commit suicide that cannot go unseen. We will be  
sending her to a psychologist, where they will help figure out the problem and  
hopefully go on to solve it."   
  
Prue listened intently as she felt her eyes welling up again. "I'm sorry." Prue said  
above a whisper.   
The doctor gave a sympathetic smile, "that's ok. Is there anyone you would like me  
to call?"   
Prue shook her head, "there is know one to call. Can I see Piper?"   
The doctor nodded his head and lead the way to Piper's room. All the while he  
couldn't help but feel sorry for these two young woman. "It's just through here. Ask  
one of the nurses to Page me if you need me or need to ask anything, Doctor Titus."  
He gave her another sympathetic smile before he left.   
  
Prue took a deep breath before opening Piper's door. Seeing her little sister looking  
so small on that bed, so pale. It broke her heart. She quietly walked in, taking the  
seat next to Piper's bed.   
  
She looked her sister up and down, Piper lay there the only evidence being some  
tubes, and two bandages around her wrists. Prue took Piper's hand in her own,  
careful not to hurt her little sister anymore. Prue sat stroking Piper's hair just wishing  
she would wake up but also scared of when she did. Prue would be there for her no  
matter what.   
  
After hours, or what seemed like hours. Piper started to stir. Prue sat up leaning  
over closer to Piper. "Piper? Honey can you hear me?" Prue asked softly. Piper  
mumbled something. After a little more coaxing Piper opened her eyes. When she  
saw Prue she thought maybe it was all just a bad dream but then she looked  
around.   
  
This was the hospital which means..... Piper seen it all again, she was in her room  
and she used the knife......God she actually used the knife. Tears started to fall  
down her face as she remembered everything, how she felt, what she saw, what she  
was thinking, smelling, everything.   
  
Prue saw as Piper began to cry so her motherly instincts took over as she got up on  
the bed trying her best to comfort her sister. After a few minutes Prue got Piper  
calmed down. She had no idea how to start so just went for it, "how are you feeling,  
sweetie?" Piper sniffed then shrugged. Prue moved out from behind Piper, which  
instantly panicked her.   
  
Piper grabbed onto Prue. Prue was slightly shocked but sat back down in her seat  
taking Piper's hand again. "Its ok I'm not going anywhere." Piper didn't know if she  
could believe it this time. Prue might leave her all alone again. "Piper.....talk to me?  
Please?" Prue begged, she was never good at this it was always Piper's job.   
  
Piper looked into Prue's eyes not saying a word. Prue could see the Pain and the  
sadness in her eyes, it ripped at her soul. "Pipe.....I'm sorry I left. I was scared but I  
came back I was going to make it right, and I will. This is all so wrong that we lose  
someone else but we still have each other. Or I hope we always will. I couldn't bear  
to lose you too. Tonight was close, too close. I'll never let it come close to that  
again, I promise." Prue kissed Piper's head as her own tears fell to.   
  
Piper took the chance and wrapped her arm's around her big sister not letting her go  
just taking comfort in her embrace. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: song is 'so kill me' by mxpx.  
---Part 4---  
  
---Losing my mind  
You've lost yours long ago  
Wasting your time  
You want me to go---  
  
Piper hadn't said more than two words in 3 days. She wouldn't talk but the second  
Prue would give signs of leaving Piper would, grab onto her, scared if she left she  
wouldn't come back. Prue was never going to leave and Piper clinging on wasn't  
what was bothering her, the silence was what bothered her.   
  
Piper wasn't exactly extrovert but she wasn't mute. Piper had seen a few doctor's  
but she just ignored them. The hospital was letting her out that day but she had daily  
appointments with a psychologist.   
  
---So when you feel like killing me  
Just go ahead cause I'll be there for you---  
  
Prue was sat beside Piper who seemed to be deep in thought. "Piper? Piper??"  
Prue tried slightly louder this time getting Piper's attention. "Say something? I miss  
your voice." Prue asked but Piper looked away. Prue took a deep breath this was  
killing her seeing Piper so distant.   
  
Prue was never one for saying the right thing she would just pretend nothing was  
wrong until it would go away. This time she had to say something but couldn't. She  
didn't have the first idea about what to say: or what Piper needed to hear. She didn't  
know what caused Piper to try and take her own life but she could guess.   
  
This was her fault. 'I've caused my little sister, the one person who would always  
stand by me to try and...' Prue had to stop there she couldn't even think those words  
it hurt her too much. Prue had a hard task ahead....understanding why.  
  
---Go ahead and try to understand me  
I'll try and understand you  
It's not hard to be demanding  
Cause this is all so new--- 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:song is 'destroyed by you' by MxPx  
  
Part 5  
  
---Can someone tell me why I'm feeling this way?  
Can someone tell me why this world is so grey?  
It's never just black and white  
So much went on tonight  
was I wrong or was I right?---  
  
Piper was realised from the hospital a few hours previous and was now wrapped up  
in a blanket on the sofa. Prue was in the kitchen attempting to make some soup for  
them both.   
  
'Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? I never hurt anyone,  
not really. I hurt myself though. But that can't count, it doesn't matter about me. I  
hurt Prue.. But she broke her promise.' Piper sighed, irritated at her own thoughts.   
  
'Did I have the right to choose whether I live or die? Its so hard to live when so much  
is gone but I shouldn't give up Prue and Phoebe haven't. Phoebe doesn't want to  
even know us anymore. I miss her so much. I hope she's ok she's still only a baby.  
She's stronger than me though. Everyone is. I just don't know any more.'  
  
---You think the whole world revolves around your head  
You are ignoring me, you haven't heard a word I've just said  
Why can't I just pull myself together?  
What's done is done, never say never---  
  
Prue sat across from Piper eating her soup. She looked at Piper, 'She's probably  
planning a way to drown herself in that soup.' Prue then mentally kicked herself. Her  
little sister was sitting starring into the soup as if hoping it held every answer to  
every question. The problem is it didn't. Nothing and no one did.   
  
"Is the soup ok? You know it's about all my skills stretch to."  
  
Prue said hoping to get any kind of reply, a laugh, a smurk, a smile, hell even a dirty  
look. Anything to let her know Piper wasn't blocking her out completely. After the not  
so surprising silence something in Prue snapped.   
  
"Piper?! What is wrong with you! Talk to me goddamn it! I need to hear you! How  
Can I help you when you want even look at me! Huh?! Why are you doing this?!  
WHY?!" Prue said breathing heavily and turning red in anger.  
  
Piper immediately bolted upstairs. She was terrified and guilty. Prue had never  
shouted at her like that before. Not even when she took the wrap for Phoebe  
destroying Prue's leather jacket. She knew things were coming to a head now and  
this was it.  
  
Downstairs Prue threw herself onto the couch and pounded into the cousins. She  
quickly tried to calm down asking herself one question, "what did I just do?"   
  
---Always look for good in the bad  
learn from the mistakes that I have had  
I re and re-learn  
to let it go  
talk is easy  
but it's so hard to show---  
  
Piper sat against her bedroom door with her head in her hands. Something  
surprised her: she wasn't crying. She kept hearing Prue's words, her tone, the  
frustration and hurt in her voice.   
'I'm still hurting her. I'm not helping by closing off. Why can't I stop hurting her! I  
don't want to hurt anyone...'  
  
Prue came upstairs and looked down the hall; Only one door was shut - Piper's. She  
went to the door and knocked softly.  
  
"Piper? Honey, can I come in?" Prue asked through the door.  
  
After waiting a few moments and getting no answer, Prue was starting to get very  
worried. 'What if she tries to..' Prue couldn't even finish that sentence in her head.   
  
"Piper?! Piper? Are you ok?! Can you hear me?!" Prue started knocking harder on  
the door. "Please Piper, I'm so sorry." Tears began to stream down Prue's face as  
she leaned against the door.   
  
Piper sat against the door still hugging her knee's. 'Do I say something? She sounds  
scared. She shouldn't be saying sorry I should.' Piper took a deep breath and then  
whispered I small "I'm sorry" then the tears did come back.   
  
Prue shut up when she thought she heard something, then she realised it was Piper  
crying.   
  
"Piper? I'm so sorry I said what I did. I just... I can't take seeing you going through so  
much pain and not talking to me. I miss you so much. I miss seeing your smile, your  
voice, getting one of your hugs, most of all just seeing the little glint in your eyes. I  
want you to get better but I don't know how to help you when you won't tell me what  
you need." Prue listened with her ear at the door, she could hear Piper's uneasy  
breathing from crying but she could tell she was listening.   
  
"I love you Piper. You and Phoebe are all I have and I've already screwed things up  
with Phoebe, I can't lose you too." Prue voice cracked towards the end as she tried  
to keep herself together.  
  
"I was scared, I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know  
if you cared at first. Then I realised it is all my fault. I hurt you." Piper said with her  
voice still pretty hoarse.  
  
Prue felt the guilt weigh her down, "none of this is your fault. I should have noticed  
more. I shouldn't have left you alone when I did. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine." Prue  
took a shaky breath. "I had issue's that I didn't know how to deal with, and I put that  
before you. That was so wrong of me. You know you matter the most to me but I  
screwed up. Not you, ok? You need to believe Piper cause I need you back I can't  
go much longer without you." Prue tried to convince her.   
  
Piper knew Prue was guilty for putting herself first for once in her life but she didn't  
know whether to believe what Prue said. She had been telling herself for a long time  
it was all her fault. Why would she think different now?  
  
"Pipe.. Stop thinking about it and just trust what I say: none of this is your fault."  
Prue said gently.  
  
Prue heard the lock on Piper's door click, then the door opened to show Piper still  
sitting on the floor with tear trails down her cheeks. She crawled in and carefully  
took Piper in her arms and let her cry and just feel safe. There bond as strong as  
ever. 


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6  
  
  
Phoebe paced the length of the living room with a deeply confused look on her face,  
"how could you keep this from me? Oh god, why did you not call me back!? No  
matter what happened here you know I would have come back!"   
  
"You left in the first place!" Prue immediately regretted that when she saw the hurt  
look in Phoebe's eyes. "I'm sorry, I drove you away. Pheebs, come sit down a  
minute." Prue said opening her free arm out. The other was round a mortified Piper.  
  
Phoebe sat next to Prue and leaned into her. She put her arm across and took  
Piper's hand. "I'm sorry I left you, that I didn't even know this happened."  
  
Piper took a deep breath, "we should have told you. You didn't deserve to find out  
like that. But you know now."   
  
Phoebe had accidentally opened a letter for Piper. It was from her psychiatrist telling  
her, her annual check up was due. It was something she had to do once a year to let  
them know she was doing ok. Phoebe had opened this and came to see Piper  
utterly confused, so she and Prue sat Phoebe down and told her the whole story.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me when I got back or when I called you so many times?"  
Phoebe asked with more patience.  
  
"I... I didn't know how. I was scared. How could i tell my baby sister that I tried to..to..  
Kill myself? It's hard to talk about it now 3 years on i was still getting use to it myself  
then. When you got back i just didn't know how to bring it up..so I never did. And I  
made Prue promise not to tell you." Piper explained.  
  
Phoebe had tears welling in her eyes, she couldn't believe this. "So you've gone to  
the shrink twice behind my back?"   
  
"No, we didn't.."  
  
"We??" Phoebe asked surprised.  
  
Prue now spoke up. "Yeah, ever since Piper first had to go, I've went with her. It was  
the only way I could get her to go. So I wait outside or sometimes I go in. It's always  
up to Piper."  
  
Piper felt really bad for Phoebe finding this out. 'It must be so hard for her to  
understand' she thought. She squeezed Phoebe's hand, "you ok?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "this is all hard to take in."   
  
Piper nodded. "Are you mad?" she asked quietly.  
  
Phoebe looked Piper in the eye, "of course not honey, I just...I can't believe I wasn't  
here for you when you needed me most." that was it for Phoebe, she started crying.   
  
Prue pulled them both closer so you couldn't tell there were 3 people there. She  
kissed Phoebe's head first then Piper's and held both her sisters while they all cried.  
  
Phoebe spoke up after a while, "I want to come with you. I'll wait in the car if you  
want but I need to be there this time."  
  
Piper nodded, "ok."she said not trusting her voice as she cuddle in closer to her  
sisters.   
  
"I love you two." Prue told them. She got a duet of 'love you too' back.  
  
  
THE END  
  
I'd love to hear what you think. 


End file.
